What do I mean by stuff? Anything physical, spiritual or emotional that serves no purpose in my life right now. Anything that is not helping me further the Kingdom of God.
While I was cleaning out my kitchen this morning I found many non-electric appliances. I went through a time period when I was fascinated with these devices. I was frustrated with my fixer-upper house. I was frustrated with my astronomical electric bills. So I started fixating on living off the land and getting off the grid.
I didn't want all the gadgets that I couldn't afford or even fit into my house so I started living in a Little House On The Prairie dream world. I wanted to escape from my present reality so I just started collecting stuff.
The truth is I couldn't accept where God was holding me. Yes that's right, where God was holding me. I wanted my circumstances to change and because God wasn't moving the way I thought he should I just started collecting stuff.
Over the last year I have been going through my house, box by box, closet by closet. It's appalling how much stuff I have kept. I'm not a pack rat, I hope....but I did notice an inclination to keep things far beyond their season.
When God first gave me a vision for moving forward with my life I flat out told him, "sorry, I can't.....all this stuff is in my way." So God has been painfully pruning me.
He has taken people out of my life. Good people whom I love and yet for reasons only known to God these people are just out of reach. As God has been weeding in the garden of my life, the sun has been able to shine in. He has made room for new growth where there was no hint of life.
One shocking revelation I discovered about myself is my propensity to be selfish. Everything I owned I had for my pleasure or for my own selfish preservation. I've been serving myself. Obsessed with me, me, me.
I've been holding onto grudges. Unforgiveness in my heart that I've been carrying around with me for years. God has asked me to give up more than I've felt is reasonable. We've argued. Yes, I'm sad to say I've argued with the one true God. I've questioned his authority. Asking, don't I deserve a little bit of happiness after all I've gone through? What about me? What about me? Again, God WHAT ABOUT ME!
But it's not about me. As I've been letting go of unforgiveness, tons of physical treasures that I cannot take to heaven, even relationships....people that I need to stop demanding attention from, I've found life. It's counter intuitive but as I let go of the control I think I have, I've found freedom.
The more things I give away, the more time, energy and money I have to be doing God's work. In God's kingdom if you want something, you don't try to keep it for yourself, rather you give it away.
God just keeps blessing me. I give and he gives. As I've removed the physical, emotional and spiritual clutter from my life God has filled those spaces with fruit. I have more joy, peace and patience despite the difficulties before me.
My Father God is refining me. I'm far from perfect and desperately in need of a savior. I've found that the language of letting go is a continual discipline. Whenever I become disconnected from the one true God, the world is quick to move in and smother me.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, Hebrews 12:1
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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